We're like a lot better than the average bears
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
