Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
