You're my little dorito
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
