my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
