my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
