Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
