You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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