Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
