I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
