My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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