It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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