this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
