I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
