I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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