I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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