HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
