are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
