Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
