i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
