Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
so that wasnt chicken after all
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
