Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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