and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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