So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
