it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
