Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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