you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
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