you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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