I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I would fuck him just for his dog
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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