16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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