She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
where are my eyebrows?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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