I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
