Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
