I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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