all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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