bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
