Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Barsexuality is the new black.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
