She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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