Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
