i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
