he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
