The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
