Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
