Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
vagina is talking i cant
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
