Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
