Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
