Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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