i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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