and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Randomize
