Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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