She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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