I look better un-naked...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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