i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
