hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
